Looking on the positive side

Posted on July 24th, 2010 by BreAnn

SO . . . after the last two “depressing” posts, I thought I would take this moment to look on the bright side and fill you in on the positive things that have been happening lately, or good things that have stemmed from this breakup-of-a-century. 🙂

First thing . . . and the MOST EXCITING and current:  I’M GOING TO AUSTRALIA FOR 3 WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!   My friend Julie and I are going together, from August 3 through August 22!

Martti and I previously had been planning a big road trip together in April from New Orleans down through all of Florida to Miami, but had to call it off because he was stressed about the $$ factor. What does that leave me with? I lot of vacation time! 🙂  Also, I’ve been having the urge to get out of the country to a new continent, and with the

My Aussie friends, 2006

breakup and all it would be good to just have some amazing trip with a girlfriend to look forward to. We were originally planning to go to South Africa and I was SUUUUPER excited about that, but then the flight prices ended up getting WAY too expensive and we had to come up with a “Plan B.”  Since Australia is actually SUPER cheap to fly to right now, we opted to go there instead!  What’s even more exciting, is when I went on that month-and-a-half long trip all around Europe back in 2006, I became friends with a lot of Australians—including a guy I had a little “love affair” with on my Europe-tour at that time– so Julie and I are planning to go and visit some of them in Australia on our trip as well. FUN!!  We are flying into Melbourne and out of Cairns, going to visit Adelaide and Sydney, and are going scuba diving at the Great Barrier Reef!

FINALLY . . . I can actually add more blog posts here about TRAVELING, which was originally the purpose of this blog in the first place! 🙂

When we were going through this breakup starting back in March/April,  I had plans around the same time to go on a girl-trip to Las Vegas and was somewhat freaking out over the thought of wearing a bikini in public, and at the same time intimidated by the fact I was going to be —gulp– single again, and was completely unhappy with my body. I decided to become more concious of portion sizes and what I was actually eating, and stepped up my workouts a bit. From all the obsessive food-issues I’ve had in the past from trying to lose weight or just get in better shape, I knew that “dieting” was a stupid idea and would never work, so I just planned to make some healthier decisions and not be so obsessive about calories or beat myself up if I ate out or “slipped up.”  In addition, Sonny has benefited from this change, as we now go on 20-minute jogs 3-4 times per week—-which is actually in addition to my 4 to 5 times a week cardio & weight sessions!

So I was pretty excited to discover in the past week or so that I’ve been weighing in at 10 pounds less than I was back in the beginning of April. Hurray! I still have some toning up to do, and would like to maybe lose another 5-10 pounds hopefully, but again I’m trying not to be obsessive about it and just “go with the flow.”

I’ve been pretty unhappy with my social life since I returned to Los Angeles . . . which is sad because I’m realizing that was  A YEAR AND A HALF AGO!!!  I guess when you’re living with your “significant other”, it’s easier to “default” to always hanging out with each other, so sometimes that means you don’t put yourself out there as much with meeting new people. Now that I’m a single girl again, I’m finally making an effort and trying to be a “Yes woman” (if you’ve seen the movie “Yes Man” then you know what I’m referring to) and just keep myself busy and social and try to do things that will allow me to meet new people.  I just joined a kickball team and we have our first game this coming weekend, yay!   I also met a new girl, Denise, through a mutual friend, and she’s a really cool chick who likes to go out and do a lot of social things, and we get along really well.  In addition, I’ve been hanging out a lot more with my little sister (from big brothers big sisters program… she’s actually 22 years old now!) and all her friends, which are all quite a riot and keep me feeling YOUNG!

I’ve also been dating quite a lot, actually. Dates with six different guys in the past two months!   I keep contemplating whether I should even be going out with these guys or not, because I’m never really interested in them afterwards and sometimes end up feeling more depressed and often compare things to “the ex.”  But again . . . I’m just trying to get myself out there, be social, and be a “yes woman”, so if a guy asks me out and he seems nice, interesting, and respectful, then I guess I’ll say yes. 🙂   If anything, it’s nice to meet new people, it’s good “practice” for talking with and meeting new guys, and I have to say it’s quite a confidence booster to have these guys complimenting me and seeming genuinely interested in me and what I have to say.   Just not looking for ANYTHING SERIOUS anytime soon, though . . .

The past two years have been a LOT of sacrifice and compromise from being in a serious relationship. When I moved back to the US, I bought a car based on the fact that I would have to sell it in a year or two when we’d have to move back to Finland . . . so I ended up with my dad’s used car, which I’m not passionate about and which actually gets pretty crappy gas mileage. I didn’t buy the condo I had an offer on because it would be too much financial stress for a household of two, my social life suffered because we had to be on a tight budget, I didn’t paint the walls in our apartment because I thought we’d be moving in another year anyway, and there were many other things of this nature I won’t go into now.

SO . . . now . . . I’ve been making an effort to do things for ME. Time to get empowered!  Maybe this may not sound like a “big” or exciting thing to other people, but for me–painting my apartment was a really exciting and empowering thing!  I painted the living room RED!– and the bedroom a really pretty blue color.  I got a whole new bedset as well, and now I’m really excited and giddy about my newly painted apartment that is ALL MINE, and decorated by MEEEE!  I’m planning to design some digital art pieces to put on the walls, too, so stay tuned!

In addition, I’m planning to buy a new car . . . my mini SUV has been a gas guzzler since I got it (not economical at all, especially for Los Angeles!) and I feel “old” and “unsexy” driving a car when I feel like I should have a boatload of kids in the back. I want to get a sporty-sedan type of car and have been starting to look at Acuras, Infinities, and possibly Lexuses . . . but planning to buy a USED car because I don’t want to spend too much money!

Overall, things are looking UP a bit . . . but it’s still quite an adjustment to get used to being single again, and to not have another person there that always supports you and that you enjoy making happy and taking care of. I’ve always been a person who often gets hung up in the past in general, and REALLY struggles at the end of a relationship to just “get over it and move on”, so since this was the most significant relationship of my life, and the first time I really fully believed I had met “the one”, I think it’s still going to be a long recovery road ahead.

But at least for now I am trying to keep my head held high, try to look on the bright side, and continue to take actions to improve my life and my self esteem . . .

One response to “Looking on the positive side”

  1. Ann says:

    Love this positive post! Keep putting your happiness first and everything will fall back into place. Love you!

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