A few of you already know . . . and a few more might have an inkling of what’s been going on . . . but I’ve been somewhat sailing under the radar with the current “BIG” happenings in my life lately. Mainly because I’ve had mixed feelings about everything, and because I’ve been very emotional and kind of wanted to keep things to myself as I grieve and go through the motions of dealing with what’s been going on . . .
But I think it’s time to more publicly let my closest friends and family in on the “big news” . . . so here it is . . .
Martti is moving back to Finland and we are parting ways. This is extremely devastating and painful for the both of us, and my heart is breaking in a million pieces as I type these words—and has been breaking every day for the past couple months—but things just haven’t been working out as we had both anticipated since he moved here to the U.S.
At this point in our lives, we had expected— and had talked a lot about —being at the point right now where we would be getting engaged and planning our future together, but with a lot of difficulties in the past 9 months and with the fast-approaching “deadline” and pressure of Martti finishing classes and having to return to Finland . . . we both feel that we just aren’t “there” right now, and for now it just wasn’t meant to be.
What makes it even harder for both of us is that “nobody wronged anybody” . . . meaning—we are breaking up under “civil” circumstances and have no reason to hate each other or feel that the other person did something wrong. Sounds like that would be a good thing, doesn’t it? Of course . . . but going through a breakup or divorce seems to be easier when you KNOW you aren’t meant to be together, or that the other person is a “bad” person or has some major “issues” . . .
In short, when it comes down to it all, we are just in very different phases/stages of our lives and it’s just bad timing.
I can’t even begin to express how much this relationship and how this amazing person has changed my life . . . I can’t even begin to list how many amazing memories I’ve had with him . . . I can only be grateful for the incredible joy that has filled me up for the past two years, and how much I’ve internally grown from our relationship.
and . . . try to move on . . .
This has been an incredibly sad time in our lives for the past couple months, and I’m sure will be for some time to come. For now, I’m trying to stay positive, move forward, and keep the strength within me to get through this.
Martti is on a plane back to Finland in less than two weeks— on Thursday, May 13, 2010.
If anybody is around that following weekend (May 14-16) and has something going on—or pretty much anytime in the next couple of months for that matter— drop me a line, as I’m looking for any support, fun, and distractions I can to help me get through this. This city has seemed pretty empty and lonely for me lately in general, and I can only imagine how much “worse” it may get once Martti is gone.
Thanks for listening . . .