I’m really just not “in San Sebastian” anymore. I mean, I am physically here in the city, living in my apartment as always, but my mind is just off in another world.
When Martti left in the end of August, he was my last close friend in San Sebastian to leave the city. The following two weeks went OK, but it was definitely a time for myself. I did have a few people in my classes that I got along with well and shared stories with, plus there was a friend from back in April-May (Evan) that had returned to the city, so I was still surrounded by some friendly faces to keep me company. Fast forward three weeks later after spending a weekend in Finland and then traveling around Spain and Germany with my friends from back home, Ann & Marty, and I return to San Sebastian and realize I’m pretty much all alone. All of my close friends have left. My boyfriend has gone back to his country. Most of the people I knew that worked at the school have moved on to new jobs or have been been fired.
The city that I’ve called home for 7 months and contains a million memories suddenly feels completely dead and unfamiliar to me. And it’s like I’m almost in another universe. I’m walking around the city with Sonny and I feel like I’m returning to “that city you grew up in” or “that college town you spent 4 years at” where you’ve been away for some years and come back and have that feeling of, “Wow, remember that restaurant we always went to?” and, “Oh, look! There’s that park we always hung out at!” It’s actually quite eerie. And kind of sad.
So, I’ve been spending the past few weeks enjoying my time alone, reflecting on the time I’ve been in San Sebastian, and planning and preparing for the upcoming 2 months in Finland. During this time, my days have pretty much consisted of the following: sleeping, eating, working, packing & organizing, running on the beach with Sonny, and watching 3-6 hours daily of TV&movies. Yep, that’s about it! There still are a few people left in the city that I could contact if I REALLY wanted to hang out, or catch a drink somewhere… and I could easily go out by myself if I wanted, but for some reason I just don’t care anymore. I’m just totally, completely, fully “over” Spain. And now that the city seems so dead to me, I just don’t care to see much more or do much more. Seems kind of sad, doesn’t it? But yet I’m not depressed, and I’m really not that lonely. I guess I’m sort of “blah” right now.
But I also know that’s probably because my head is really in Finland at this point. I haven’t seen my boyfriend in over a month and the days leading up to my journey to be with him are . . . going . . . by . . . sooooooo . . . . . . slowwwwww . . . . . !!! arrrgh!!
Really, though, I am SO EXCITED for the next two months!! Basically here are my updated plans—because I don’t think I have fully revealed my plans yet on this blog: this Tuesday, October 21, I am jetting off to Finland with my laptop, suitcases, and Sonny. I will be living in Lahti, Finland with Martti in his 1 bedroom apartment. At first, I had posted an ad online and was looking to live somewhere in an apartment with a roommate, but that proved to be almost IMPOSSIBLE, seeing that I needed a place for a couple weeks in October, then all of November, and a couple weeks in December… not to mention having a dog always makes apartment hunting just THAT much more difficult. In the end, it was much easier and convenient (and now, it will be fun) to just live with my boyfriend.
During the time I’m living there, I obviously will still be working via Internet on the weekdays, but the time zone is yet ANOTHER hour later, making my hours shifted to approximately 7pm until 3/4am, yikes! Oh well, since I’m a night-owl, it’s really not that big of a deal. A few weekends will be spent relaxing at home or exploring the city, but we also plan to go out to his parent’s cabin in eastern Finland, go down to Helsinki (only an hour away) to spend the weekend with a mutual friend in the city, take a cruise across the sea to Stockholm, Sweden, and I’m also planning to visit an old college friend in Oslo, Norway.
I have to return to San Sebastian on December 14 to catch my original flight back to the US on December 16, and I’ll be going straight to Wisconsin to spend the holidays with my family and friends. Then, in January, it’s back to Los Angeles! I’m REALLY getting excited to return to the US!! Meanwhile, Martti and I have spoken about our future and plan to continue our relationship long distance until he can finish up his semester and transfer to a school in the US (hopefully in LA!). We have had numerous serious conversations about possible future plans . . . and even marriage . . . but realize in the BIG picture we have only been together 5 months and this all will be a long and hard process being on seperate continents and trying to make it work between us, but for now I’m feeling confident that we’ll make it through. It’s weird… because you think about how hard it could be to keep up such a long distance relationship over an amount of time of 6-8 months, but yet to us, in a way, it seems like it will be so “easy” because we just know it’s going to work . . . does that sound strange?
Anyway, back to the going-to-Finland part: So, of course, I can’t express how excited I am to be living with and spending so much time with my wonderful boyfriend. I often find it a bit awkward “bragging” about something in my life, but I can’t help but do it with Martti, especially as the days go on and things between us just get better and better. And also mainly because I’ve never had such an amazing relationship in every aspect. Seriously, this guy CANNOT be real! He has the biggest and kindest heart, treats me like a queen, completely adores me in every way, and is so proud to show me off to his family and friends. We have a lot of the same interests, get along wonderfully, have the same sense of humor, are always kind and respectful of each other, express our appreciation and love for one another all the time, and have probably better communication then some couples who have been together a lifetime. Today is the 5-month mark of us being together, but yet we have shared so much, been through so much, and talked about our future together so much that it really feels like SO much longer!
And as I’m stressing out trying to limit the weight in my suitcases (I am ONLY allowed 44 pounds to and from Finland, how am I going to do it??) and wondering just how much extra I’m going to have to pay to fly with Sonny, Martti is doing laundry so that I have clean sheets and towels to arrive to. As I’m going around San Sebastian taking tons of pictures and videos of the city (realizing I’ve been here 7 months but have barely been a “tourist” in my own city!), Martti is lining up girlfriends for me to hang out with and a Sonny-baby-sitter for when I’m living with him there in Lahti.
As my mom recently said to me about my life, Everything, once again, is all lining up perfectly and smoothly. I have always just believed that when you want something bad enough and are passionate about something, it just HAS to work. You just Make it work.
And if there was ever a person in the world passionate about something . . . yep, that would be me! 🙂