Going through the motions. Is this for real??

Posted on January 2nd, 2008 by BreAnn

It’s weird when you are planning big things in your life like a move or a new job,,, or when you are graduating or starting a new chapter in your life.  You know what lies ahead, you plan, you go through all the motions, but it often DOESN’T quite seem 100% REAL until it actually happens.  And even then, sometimes it still takes another week or two to be like, “Shit!  It’s happening!”


It still hasn’t really hit me that I’m doing this.  I think initially a year ago when I was thinking about moving to Spain, reading books and getting excited, it seemed like a “fun trip” and “no big deal.” 


Then I started officially planning it, and soon everything blurred together.  I’m definitely at a BIG blurry spot in all of this right now,,, I can’t quite grasp the idea that in two months from now I will be in a completely foreign place where I don’t know anybody, can’t speak the language well, and might not even have a permanent place to live yet.


I was back in Wisconsin for the holidays the past week and a half, and of course everybody wanted to know all the details and information about this place I’m going to be calling “home” for most of 2008. I recite the same info over and over. They laugh at Sonny doing some tricks in Español.  They talk about coming out to visit.  We laugh about the Spaniard men and talk about how annoyed I’ll probably be by their strong come-ons. They tell me to “be safe” and “have fun.”  And then I hug them goodbye and say one of the two following responses:  “See you in a year!”  or “Next time I see you, we’ll be in Spain!”


Weird.  But it still wasn’t hitting me.


On the flight back to LA I closed my eyes and tried to pretend that this was the flight going over to España,,, and I tried to remember that amazing, independent feeling I had last year on my flight for me 40-day solo trip to Europe,,,, nothing.


On the way to Marty’s house for a New Years Eve party, I was listening to the CD I burned for the party, and the first song was the “Auld Lang Syne” –the traditional New Years Eve song.  For some reason, for maybe a full minute it finally HIT me.  I thought about how people choose this day to recite their resolutions for the new year, reflect on the past year, and prepare for the coming year.


And then I realized that my 2008 would almost completely be in Spain.



…. And then I went back to my fantasy world where I’m still going through the motions but it’s actually not going to “really happen.”


I guess I’m in for a big surprise once I step foot on that plane on February 26 and realize I’m not coming back to the U.S. for 10 months.




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